Why Stress Hits Harder in Perimenopause (And What Moms Can ACTUALLY Do About It)
- hollienicholsonfit
- 1 day ago
- 5 min read
Let me say something every midlife woman knows but no one says out loud:
Perimenopause and stress are like gasoline and fire. One spill… and everything ignites.
And every expert loves to say: “Just reduce your stress!”
Oh. Okay. Cool.
Let me just go ahead and quit being a mom, wife, daughter, scheduler, driver, chef, Uber, emotional support animal, breadwinner, and walking laundry basket.
Sure. Easy.
Here’s the real truth:
Most midlife women aren’t stressed because they’re unorganized or dramatic. We’re stressed because we’re carrying a household, a schedule, a marriage, a job, and teenagers.
AND if you’re anything like me (and the hundreds of women I coach), you don’t feel stressed — but your body keeps score.
This is a lesson I’ve had to learn the hard way.
It’s not always the “textbook stressed-out mom” look. Sometimes it’s calm on the outside… while your hormones shift, progesterone tanks, and your nervous system becomes more sensitive underneath it all.
THAT is the intersection no one talks about.
So let’s talk about it — honestly.
Why Stress Hits HARDER in Perimenopause
This isn’t just “being overwhelmed.”This is physiology.
Progesterone Is Dropping
Progesterone = your calming hormone.
Less progesterone =more anxiety, more irritability, more “I swear if one more person asks me where their shoes are…”
Estrogen Becomes Inconsistent
High one week.Low the next.Up, down, sideways — like the stock market.
Estrogen affects serotonin, sleep, mood, hunger, and stress tolerance.
So suddenly… things that never bothered you (like your husband’s chewing) absolutely do.
Cortisol Becomes Louder
Cortisol is your stress hormone — but here’s what most women don’t know:
Cortisol is SUPPOSED to be a rollercoaster. It rises in the morning to wake you up. It dips in the evening to help you sleep. It spikes during actual emergencies.
That is normal. That is good. That is how God designed it.
But here’s what changes in perimenopause:
When estrogen and progesterone decline, you lose the buffer that makes cortisol spikes feel manageable.
Estrogen helps regulate cortisol receptors (so you don’t overreact).
Progesterone has a naturally calming effect (so you come back down).
When both start dipping? Cortisol hits harder and lingers longer.
It’s not that you suddenly “can’t handle stress.”It’s that your hormonal safety nets aren’t cushioning you the way they used to.
So:
Kids fighting? → Your body thinks it’s an emergency. Driving a new teen on the highway? → Might as well be skydiving.Email from a teacher? → Ummm am I being audited?!
This is NORMAL. Annoying, yes.But normal.
Here’s the REAL Problem:
Women Today Have Stressors Our Moms Did NOT Have.
Think about it.
Our moms did NOT have:
Life360 alerts every 9 minutes
14 sports apps with constantly changing schedules
teacher emails
group texts from 30 PTO moms
constant dings, pings, notifications
social media comparison
kids who are never unreachable
news updates that spike anxiety
the emotional management of teens plus perimenopause
Google calendar alerts
screen time battles
24/7 access to everything
Our moms dropped us off at practice and left.
They ran errands and came back later.
If we needed them? We used a payphone (but useless if they weren't AT home.) Or prayed they weren’t late.
There was no digital battery constantly draining them.
We, on the other hand, are overstimulated, over-notified, over-available, and under-recovered.
It’s not that we’re “bad at stress.”It’s that we’re living inside a pressure cooker our moms never had.
So What Do We ACTUALLY Do?
(Because bubble baths aren’t the answer. And neither is quitting our mom life.)
Here are realistic, doable, evidence-based ways to reduce stress in midlife that WORK for actual moms with actual responsibilities.
None of them require a spa day or a plane ticket to Bali.
1. Go Outside for 2–5 Minutes in the Morning
No, seriously.
While your kids are:
doing their hair
brushing teeth
grabbing backpacks
Morning sunlight regulates cortisol and increases serotonin.It is the easiest, cheapest nervous system reset available.
This alone can change:
your sleep
your mood
your cravings
your stress tolerance
your energy
Do it. Every day.Non-negotiable.
2. Make “Airplane Mode” Your New Best Friend
You do NOT need to respond to:
every PTO text
every team mom message
every school thread
every email
every update
every “ping!”
every random app notification
That constant buzzing?
It’s a generator running in the background of your nervous system.
Drain. Drain. Drain.
Start simple: Silence the notifications first.]
You don’t need updates from every app. Missing the "Field changed from 4 to 6" message is not life or death — someone will tell you.
If something is truly urgent, people will find a way to reach you.
Use:
Do Not Disturb
Silent mode
Airplane mode
Leaving your phone in another room
Start with one hour a day. You will feel the difference.
3. Walk. Move. Break the Loop.
Walking is not “just movement.”Walking is stress relief.
At practice?Leave your phone — LEAVE it.
Your kid will survive an hour without your Life360 dot being monitored.
Your nervous system needs fresh air more than whatever they might need in minute 22 of practice.
PLUS — they need to learn sufficiency.
Walk around the parking lot. Walk around the field. Walk in circles.
Movement releases tension that talking cannot.
4. Lay on the Ground (I’m dead serious.)
This sounds wild, but it works.
Laying flat on the floor:
drops your heart rate
calms your vagus nerve
pulls you out of fight-or-flight
tells your body “you’re safe”
Set a timer for 2 minutes. Feet on the couch if you want.
Even better? Go lay in the grass outside. Your neighbors might think you’re unwell — it’s fine. Let them think it.
This works faster than meditation for most moms.
Try it once, you’ll be shocked.
5. Be “Unavailable” On Purpose
You do not need to be the family first responder 24/7.
Say it with me:
“I do not have to answer everything immediately.”
Your nervous system wasn’t built for constant access.
And your kids will be okay — they need to be okay without you for short periods.
Remember our childhood?
Our parents:
dropped us off
sometimes forgot
sometimes we're late
often didn’t know where we were until dinner
And we lived.
The goal isn’t to disappear — it’s to get distance from constant stimulation.
Stress Management for Midlife Women Isn’t “Self Care” — It’s Survival
This season is hard. Your hormones amplify stress. Your life demands are high.
But you are not powerless. You are not fragile. You are not falling apart.
You just need tools that work in the REAL world — tools that fit a life with:
sports schedules
carpools
teenagers
laundry
dinner
marriage
career
hormones
and approximately 400 unread notifications
This isn’t about bubble baths. This is about capacity.Margin.Nervous system support.Real-life habits.
And you can do this. You were made for this season — and you’re not doing it alone.
Your Stress Isn’t Your Failure — It’s Your Season
Midlife stress is not:
❌ a personality flaw
❌ you being dramatic
❌ you being “too emotional”
❌ a sign you’re falling apart
It’s a sign you’re carrying a LOT while your biology is shifting, and in a world that is overstimulating with a nervous system already stretched thin.
But hear me clearly:
You are not powerless here. You are strong. You are adaptable. You are capable. You are designed by God to handle transitions with resilience.
And these tools?
They’re how you armor up for this season.
This is only the beginning — and you’re not walking into perimenopause blind.
Why Stress Hits Harder in Perimenopause
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